It is common for siblings or other family members to clash sometimes when it comes to making decisions about elder care. If you and your family are disagreeing over the best course of action concerning your aging parent or relative, the following tips can help you work through it and come to a decision.
- First, check if your loved one has expressed their wishes. The best starting point is to see if your elder loved one has expressed their wishes clearly at any point. Look for any documentation you might have missed which states what they want, or names a particular person to take charge of their care. If respecting their wishes is possible, that should be your priority.
- Meet together to discuss care. If you are currently exchanging scattered calls, texts and emails with various family members, it is time to get everyone on the same page. The best way to do this is to get everybody together in the same conversation. Hold a meeting where you and other family members can all discuss the matter together. If you cannot get everyone in one room, you can use video calls to bring in those who cannot make it in person.
- Consult with the patient’s doctor for an informed medical opinion. Sometimes two family members may research a medical procedure, and draw very different conclusions about the best course of action. This can happen even if they have a shared outlook and goals. In this situation, it can be wise to schedule some time to consult with the patient’s doctor together. This will give you a chance to ask your questions and receive answers at the same time, providing the clarity that everyone needs to agree on a path forward.
- Work with a geriatric care manager or mediator. What do you do if you still are unable to come to agreements about elder care even after talking to the patient’s doctor, or getting second opinions?
- At that point, it may be time to work with a third party to help work out disputes. A geriatric care manager can help with this; this person can be a nurse or a social worker. You could also try a mediator.
- Get counseling for your family. Finally, the factors that prevent agreements about elder care do not always involve medical considerations. Sometimes they are the result of long-standing family dramas. Getting counseling for your family through this time may help you navigate some of these unresolved issues. That in turn may help all of you work together more effectively.
Get Compassionate Care for Your Loved One
At Journey Palliative and Hospice, we can work with you to manage your loved one’s care, prioritizing their wishes and autonomy.
Journey Palliative and Hospice is based in Burbank. We offer hospice services throughout the Los Angeles metropolitan region. To learn how we can help, please give us a call at (818) 748-3427.
