As a caregiver, at some point you will need to have a discussion with your loved one about their wishes for the end of life. This can be a challenging conversation for emotional reasons. But it can also present challenges logistically, since there is so much to go over. To help you get started, here are some important end-of-life medical questions to ask.

• Have you declared an individual to receive power of attorney? Has the appropriate documentation been completed?

• Have you appointed a healthcare power of attorney? Is it the same person, or a different person? Have you done separate paperwork to establish the healthcare power of attorney?

• Are there other family members or friends that you want to be involved in your care?

• Have you completed a living will? What are your wishes for your health if you are unable to speak for yourself?

• Do you have a long term care plan? Has it been formalized in any way? What does it consist of?

• Where do you prefer to live as you age? What about if you can no longer take care of yourself?

• Where do you prefer to be when you die?

• Do you have, or want to have, a Do Not Resuscitate (DNR) order? Where do you have a copy of the order? Who among family and friends is aware of the DNR? Who still needs to be informed?

• What are your feelings about assisted living? What would you be looking for in an assisted living community?

• What are your feelings about hospice care? What would you be looking for in hospice care?

• Do you want to make your own funeral arrangements? If so, what steps have you taken?

• If you will be alone sometimes, is there a system set up that can be used to monitor your safety and call for help if something goes wrong?

These are all intense topics for many people to discuss. Reflecting on the prospect of losing health, mobility, or autonomy can be scary, as can meditating on the inevitability of mortality.

It may be necessary to remind yourself and your loved one that making these plans is the best way for them to maximize their agency over the months or years ahead.

Take breaks if you need to. You probably are going to need to circle back a number of times to finalize all the plans, both for logistical and emotional reasons.

Get Compassionate Care in Accordance with Your Loved One’s Wishes

Now you know some key questions to ask when you are working with your loved one on their medical planning. As your hospice provider, we can offer additional guidance for these conversations. Our goal is to make sure that your loved one is receiving the care they need in accordance with their stated wishes.

To find out how we can help, please give us a call at (818) 748-3427. We are based in

Burbank, and offer hospice services throughout the Los Angeles metropolitan region.

It is common for siblings or other family members to clash sometimes when it comes to making decisions about elder care. If you and your family are disagreeing over the best course of action concerning your aging parent or relative, the following tips can help you work through it and come to a decision.

1. First, check if your loved one has expressed their wishes. The best starting point is to see if your elder loved one has expressed their wishes clearly at any point. Look for any documentation you might have missed which states what they want, or names a particular person to take charge of their care. If respecting their wishes is possible, that should be your priority.
2. Meet together to discuss care. If you are currently exchanging scattered calls, texts and emails with various family members, it is time to get everyone on the same page. The best way to do this is to get everybody together in the same conversation. Hold a meeting where you and other family members can all discuss the matter together. If you cannot get everyone in one room, you can use video calls to bring in those who cannot make it in person.
3. Consult with the patient’s doctor for an informed medical opinion. Sometimes two family members may research a medical procedure, and draw very different conclusions about the best course of action. This can happen even if they have a shared outlook and goals. In this situation, it can be wise to schedule some time to consult with the patient’s doctor together. This will give you a chance to ask your questions and receive answers at the same time, providing the clarity that everyone needs to agree on a path forward.
4. Work with a geriatric care manager or mediator. What do you do if you still are unable to come to agreements about elder care even after talking to the patient’s doctor, or getting second opinions?
5. At that point, it may be time to work with a third party to help work out disputes. A geriatric care manager can help with this; this person can be a nurse or a social worker. You could also try a mediator.
6. Get counseling for your family. Finally, the factors that prevent agreements about elder care do not always involve medical considerations. Sometimes they are the result of long-standing family dramas. Getting counseling for your family through this time may help you navigate some of these unresolved issues. That in turn may help all of you work together more effectively.

Get Compassionate Care for Your Loved One

At Journey Palliative and Hospice, we can work with you to manage your loved one’s care, prioritizing their wishes and autonomy.

Journey Palliative and Hospice is based in Burbank. We offer hospice services throughout the Los Angeles metropolitan region. To learn how we can help, please give us a call at (818) 748-3427.