Grief is an experience that is unique to each individual, and to every loss. There are some common ways people experience grief, but it can be a mystifying process even if you have been through some version of it before.

If you are grieving a loved one, you may have many questions. Here are answers to some common questions people ask about the grieving process.

• Q: Is my grief normal?
  • A: When you are grieving deeply, you can feel like you have entered into an altered state of mind. You are waking up in a universe where your loved one no longer exists, and that can make it feel as if the whole world has changed. That world, and grief itself, can feel like an unknown territory. Your sense of normal may be ripped away, and you could find yourself struggling to find your bearings. Unfamiliar emotions might come up, and you could react to things by behaving differently than you usually would. You might experience an existential crisis, or struggles with your faith. Some people may be hardly able to stop crying for days on end. Others might not cry at all. You could feel devastated, or you might feel nothing. All of these reactions to grief are perfectly normal.
• Q: How long will I feel this way?
  • A: There is a lot of variation in how long feelings of grief persist. For some people, intensive grieving could only last days or weeks. For others, it may be months or years. Intense, disruptive grief that persists for a very long time is called “complicated grief.” A therapist can help.
• Q: Why am I grieving? My loved one hasn’t passed yet.
  • A: When you know that your loved one is reaching the end of their life, you may begin the grieving process even before they pass. This is known as “anticipatory grief,” and is very common. The person who has the terminal diagnosis may also experience anticipatory grief regarding their own death.
• Q: How can I process my grief more quickly?
  • A: It is common during grief to want to find a way through it more quickly, both because it involves challenging emotions, and because it can make it harder to keep up with work and everyday life demands. There are no shortcuts through grief, however. If you try to rush through it, you may actually end up prolonging the intense phase of it. Instead, try to sit with your feelings and work through your grief. You can get help from a grief counselor with this process. There is no single “right” way to do it. It is a very individual process.
• Q: I am not getting the support I need from family or friends. What can I do?
  • A: Unfortunately, family and friends sometimes do not understand grief, or may find it frightening. They might also feel like you have changed. Any or all of these can cause them to disconnect. This is a good time to rekindle old relationships that have fallen by the wayside, or meet new people, if you feel up to it. Working with a grief counselor or attending a grief support group can help as well. You may need to grieve not only the original loss, but relationships that are ending or changing as well.

Journey Palliative and Hospice Can Provide Bereavement Support

Journey Palliative and Hospice provides bereavement counseling as one of our services to the loved ones of our patients. To find out how we can help patients and their families, please give us a call at (818) 748-3427.